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Life Makes No Fucking Sense...stop trying to figure it out!

53 hours ago I said good bye to my sweet boy Rugby....


Loosing my mom and dad both traumatically and tragically hurt AND nothing feels as bad as the hell I am going through from loosing my dog.


I can barely peal myself out of bed every morning AND I have enough energy to distract myself by lifting weights, going for a walk, doing yoga all in the same day.


I have crazy cravings to stress eat from the overwhelm, I order the 3 boxes of girl scout cookies AND I cannot manage to eat a single one of them.


I can show up and teach yoga to a room full of people who do not know me very well AND I cannot talk to a single person that is close to me and knew Rugby.


The smell of dirty dog drove me crazy AND right now I am sleeping with the pants I had on at the vet office that has all of his hair on it from our last day together, I cannot bring myself to wash them.


I can laugh and joke in one breath AND be crippled from uncontrollable crying the next minute.


Thinking about him tears me apart AND cuddling my neighbors dog makes me feel better.


I can take 3 work calls in one day AND be completely broken at the same time.


I can take a cancer diagnosis in stride, get to work the next day AND loose all normal function from the death of this pup.


I can doubt my decision, feel overwhelmingly guilty that I reacted to quickly and really fucked up AND logically know I did exactly what was needed.


I can experience grief, joy, anguish, happiness, sadness, nostalgia, awe, gratitude and hope all within a matter of seconds of each other.


Life IS a series of complicated, contradictory, confusing experiences.

And none of it makes fucking sense.





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